What the hell is with all the funny faces? Why can’t you do something useful like give a whiskey a number score? You know, even a 1-10 would help us know if this whiskey is better than another whiskey.
This is just a small sampling of the sentiments I get in my email now and then. Don’t get me wrong, I love the passion that it takes to take the time to write to me. Hell, I just like to know that people are reading this. But as it has been…five years (?!? where has the time gone?) since I last wrote a post like this, I thought it might be time to explain my silliness to all of you who are new.
By the way, if you arrived in the last five years, WELCOME! The bar is in the corner, please pour yourself something nice from the fancy shelf.
So. Why don’t I use numerical scores? Well, everyone who writes about whiskey approaches things differently. Some reviewers like to use numbers. Numbers make a review feel scientific because you've done some math. Some reviewers like to use stars. Stars are easy to visualize and are familiar to Amazon shoppers everywhere. I like to use various cartoon faces and hearts because I'm silly. Probably too silly for my own good. The point is that any and/or all of these are correct. They all adequately represent how much or how little a reviewer liked any given whiskey. But no matter how a writer presents it, we as readers need to remember that the rating is still just a subjective opinion. Whiskey is subjective. There is no objectively bad whiskey. Someone out there likes everything that has been produced and they should not be shamed for that, even if you don’t agree with them.
It probably goes without saying, but I like Bourbon, Rye, Canadian whisky, craft whiskey, Irish whiskey, Gin, and a lot of cocktails. As a general rule, I don’t really like Scotch Whisky, though there are exceptions. Am I wrong that I don’t care for Scotch? No. My taste buds apply only to me. This is what I mean when I say there is no objectively bad whiskey, just whiskey that I don’t like. I’m not here to tell you if you should like a whiskey, only if I do or don’t. I judge whiskey, not people.
So, I like bourbon. I enjoy it in many different ways. Sometimes I enjoy thoughtfully tasting bourbon. I pour it into a nosing glass, sit down, concentrate, and try to tease out all the little smells and tastes that are hidden inside the glass. And if it is interesting, I'll probably like it. Other times, I want to enjoy bourbon in a rocks glass while playing cards or watching tv or conversing with friends. I'm not paying a lot of attention to it, but if it tastes good and it's acting as a social lubricant, I'll probably like it. Sometimes I enjoy it in a cocktail. Even if it isn't great neat, if it makes a killer Manhattan, I'll probably like it. And if I like it, then I'll tell you I like it. And then I'll put a little smiley face next to my thoughts on it.
Sometimes I find a bourbon that doesn't taste good and isn't all that interesting. Needless to say, I don't like these. I've gotten pretty good at knowing what I like, and since I buy a good percentage of the whiskey reviewed on the site, the odds are that I'm not buying too many duds. But occasionally one slips through, or I buy one specifically for research purposes. When that happens, I'll tell you I dislike it and put a little frowny face next to my thoughts.
Of course, some whiskeys are just...meh. There is nothing offensive about them. They don't taste bad. I don't dislike it, but I don't like it either. I can see why others might like it, but it's just sort of in the middle there for me. Just not to my tastes. In such a case I'll just drop a neutral face on it.
Very occasionally I'll drop a heart on something. This means I love it. No ifs, ands, or buts. I'd take this whiskey over almost any other.
So to recap:
A heart means I loved this whiskey. I'd have to pause and think (briefly) if forced to choose between it and my wife. (shhhh... don't tell her)
A smiley face means I liked the whiskey or I found it interesting while tasting it. Or I enjoyed myself while drinking it. Or I enjoyed the company I drank it with. Or I was having fun. Most bourbons and ryes will be in this category because, on at least some level, I like most bourbons and ryes I've tasted.
A neutral face means meh. I didn't particularly like this whiskey, but I didn't hate it either. It wasn't for me. But you might like it.
A frowny face means I really disliked this. I probably dumped it out or at least thought about dumping it out.
We all have different life experiences that color our perceptions. If you drink moonshine exclusively and you age it to a young age, that young whiskey may taste amazing to you. If however, you gave that very same whiskey to a person who exclusively drinks 12-year-old bourbon, they will probably vehemently disagree. The same thing goes for tasting notes. They are each informed by our own life experiences. I taste JuicyFruit gum when I taste Four Roses. Other people might taste Jackfruit, but I've never had a Jackfruit, so I say JuicyFruit. Some people might taste almond in a whiskey. I'm allergic to nuts, so I only have an academic idea of what almonds taste like. If I use it as a tasting note, it will have come from my wife (we do the notes together). The point is that everyone will like different things and has had different experiences to inform their tastes. And that's ok. In fact, it’s pretty cool. It gives us whiskey lovers something to talk about aside from the weather.
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